Why I succeeded a little bit and failed a lot

You might think I’d forgotten about my blog, since I sort of abandoned it. Well, I really abandoned it. At first, unintentionally, then out of avoidance, and then in defiance.

Like most New Year’s resolutions, my blog failed. It failed like a resolution to lose weight turns into an expensive gym membership and new shoes, and then a daily excuse to not use either one. But it didn’t fail in the sense that I would have gained 30 lbs. I did save money. I just didn’t save enough. I learned a lot about saving money, a lot about my own problems when it comes to money.  And I learned a few important things about blogging.

First, that if I was going to blog about money, I should have asked my husband (I didn’t. I’m stubborn that way). But he’s my business partner, even if I am the accountant and office manager. I knew he would probably not be crazy about the idea. Which is exactly the phrase he uses when he doesn’t like something but thinks I’m going to overrule him, or doesn’t want to start a fight. “I’m not crazy about that.” So, I don’t think he was crazy about me sharing the details of our finances with the world. I should have thought about that, and about other people who might be hurt. I’ve been feeling guilty for about a year now about blaming my parents in my post about my own stupidity around money. Really, what an asshole I was. Regret over that post made he hesitant to do that kind of psychoanalysis again.

I realized maybe there are good reasons people don’t talk about money, and maybe I’m not the right person to break the taboo. If I have over-sharing disease, Mr. Berry has the opposite problem. He has sharing constipation. But I have to respect that.  Sometimes he is absolutely right in his instinct. And ultimately, he may have been right in his desire to stay out of the psychoanalysis spotlight, to not play a starring role in the blog.

Gradually, as I contemplated sharing my shame, my embarrassment, my deep emotion about money, and my Sisyphean frustration with never having quite enough, I didn’t really want to talk about it either. I didn’t want to talk about it somewhere my in-laws might read, somewhere my aunts might see, and tell my grandma. I wish it weren’t that way, because I think sharing those things, consequences be damned, would be a great read. But I couldn’t do it. So I didn’t. I kept thinking maybe there were some things I could talk about without really confronting the big wall of Don’t Go There, but beyond coupon clipping, there wasn’t much to say.

Then, of course, when I went back to work, three months after Captain Cuteness was born, the proverbial shit hit the fan. Life is in disarray. I am happy if I make it to work within an hour of the real start time. I feel accomplished when I can manage to have bottles ready to go in the morning and have a coordinated, clean outfit to wear to work. On days I feel ambitious, I walk an extra four blocks to work. Every night, facing what to make for dinner is a painful dilemma, because I never have the energy to cook. Visiting the gym is not happening. I’m hoping when I stop nursing when Charlie is a year old, it will free up some time for exercise. Blogging is waay down on my priority list.

So, what happened to my saving plans? Well, I did save a lot of money. I shopped mostly at SuperTarget, which I still say has the best prices, even if it’s an evil big box store with some questionable ties to Republicans and anti-gay activists. I did a lot of other smart things. I pushed Mr. Berry to get rid of our second car, which was a money drain. I clipped coupons. I signed up for a credit card that offers frequent flier miles, finally facing the fact that if my family lives thousands of miles away and I go see them regularly, perhaps I should be getting something in exchange for the big bucks I spend on airfare. I suspended Netflix because we weren’t watching it. And we are probably going to cut off cable and our home phone line soon to save $100+ per month.

Doing all that, I saved probably more than $5,000. What I neglected to consider in setting my goal a year ago was that I actually needed to save $1,000 a month just to afford child care for Charlie — on top of the $1,200 per month for preschool Natalie started this fall. There just aren’t enough coupons for that. So, then I felt like a failure, and I didn’t want to blog about that. I sounded to cavalier when I started, it felt strange to post about how desperate I felt, how I was scraping by some days on spare change to get coffee in the mornings. That’s where the shame came back, and it trumped my over-sharing tendencies. So, for anyone who was disappointed, I’m sorry. I am disappointed too. But I learned a lot on this path, however short. Here’s to a 2011 filled with things I think through a little better and execute a lot better.

 

 

Me and my silly head

Oh, hai, it’s me, that idiot who said she had “more free time” with two kids — or, at least more free time on maternity leave (try to contain your laughter).

With that 12 weeks coming to a close, the reality of what life is going to be like now is starting to set in. Meaning: a big pile of less-than-fun, with a side order of broke. I am choosing between fighting with it, laughing about it, crying about it, or buying a Greyhound ticket out of town. The husband and kids are, thank goodness, all cute and worth keeping, so I will probably do the first three to varying degrees.

Staring down the barrel of my last seven days before I go back to work, I am feeling on the verge of crying all the time. There is a part of me that is just really sad to have to work at all, to have to leave my kids with someone for most of the day. That sucks. But I have for the most part worked out those demons, so (most of the time) I feel like my sadness about going back this time is about saying goodbye to these first magical few weeks of Charlie’s life, of the on-demand snuggling time, of the teensy weensy clothes, the teensy-weensy fingers and toes and long naps in the afternoon.

The tears welling now are in part for that bittersweet goodbye, which I knew was inevitable and would happen even if I weren’t going back to work.  Another part of my anxiety is about money, primarily the nearly $1,900 check I will write each month for childcare, more than double what I was paying (teeny babies cost more cuz they are more work).  And once our daycare goddess of wonder is hit straight on by one of Captain Cutness’ farts, she may raise the price.

So, yeah, there’s that $1,000 I have to find in the budget each month. And I haven’t been doing fantastically well with the budget as it is, because hey, I’m on leave, I just had a baby and couldn’t possibly cook; we should enjoy the money before it gets tight, yada yada (those would be my rationalizations all contained in that yada yada).

Finding that money in the budget is going to be harder than just taking on a savings challenge for fun, like I did in January, because it will happen at an incredibly stressful time. Here’s how I deal with stress historically: eating and spending money. Not coincidentally, my two least favorite states of being /depression triggers are feeling fat and feeling broke. Also, if you hadn’t heard, having kids makes you fat and broke. Just so you know.

Luckily I don’t have to pay for therapy because a 4-year-old could tell me what’s going on here.  A big fat challenge is what. It’s crappy, deep-seated emotional stuff. It’s not only that I have to just be careful with spending because money is tight, it’s that I have to reverse my regular thought/action process so I don’t head to Dunkin’ Donuts for a $3 coffee or snack every time I’m feeling “extra tired” in the morning or sad that I left my baby and have to work, because that quickly becomes every morning, and $60 a month. It means I have to nag my husband about every dollar spent when I barely have time to have a real conversation with him once in the evening. It means I have to find other ways to cope and self-comfort. And I don’t have a lot of energy for that. Or time. Anyone want to sponsor a coffee-addicted working mother with a little stipend?

This adds up.

 

Canned meat and other mysteries

Hi there! Yes, it’s me. Now that I’m not miserably pregnant anymore, and instead blissful mommy of two – Miss Adorable and Captain Cute, I have a bit of time to blog! Hooray! Now that the Captain is here, there are many, many more reasons to be as thrifty as possible, starting with the harsh reality of shelling out two daycare/preschool payments each month once I go back to work. Ay caramba.

So, I’ve learned that while coupons can save you a good chunk of change when leveraged properly, I want to bring up another shortcoming of coupon clipping: that is, 90% of them are for things I would never use in my home or put in my mouth. Same with probably 50% of what’s on sale each week at my local grocery store. So when I’m searching for that magical combination of coupon + sale, much of what comes up is fantastic deals on, say, SPAM.

Not so helpful for a vegetarian, or really, any person who respects their body too much to feed it processed entrails in a can. (Meanwhile, as an aside, my middle-aged downstairs neighbors, judging from the smell of their kitchen each Sunday and many other days, enjoy some kind of fried processed meat more than many things. That or they grill up their dirty socks for Sunday brunch every week.)

So, back to my point. Here’s a sample of the coupons in my Sunday paper:

Popeye’s Chicken meals

Two different kinds of processed pet treats/food

Keebler cookies (OK, I admit, I clipped that one)

Buca de Beppo — if you’re not familiar, a nice Italian place, but with entrée portions that would feed most of the population of Malawi for a week.

“Fruit Chillers,” a supposedly healthy frozen treat made by DelMonte, , but still, a highly processed one, I’m guessing made with a lot of added sugar. (oh yes, I checked – 26 grams of sugar per 1 cup serving — so much for healthy treats. That’s twice the sugar and more calories than a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich.)

… and then a bunch of lipstick, hair removal, free checks, and a very supportive yet stretchy bra that appears to be made expressly to repel sexual advances of any kind.

Can you believe these are buy one get one free?

Not helpful. I know there are online sites that help you find coupons on things you actually want to buy, but I do wish I saw more coupons for, say, Amy’s Frozen Meals, or Boca, or Kashi. Not that they don’t show up on occasion, but they are not exactly competing with Popeye’s Chicken. And that place could use some competition.

 

Time or money? Are they the same thing?

I spent the weekend with some wonderful friends visiting us from our former home of Chattanooga, and coincidentally I needed to stock up on oh, everything, or we were going to have to use paper towels to wipe our bums and eat Kraft macaroni and cheese for breakfast. But I didn’t really want to spend 3 hours figuring out coupons + sales in the hopes of saving $30. We had things to do.

Come to think of it, do I really ever want to spend that kind of time saving money? It gives me the same kind of satisfaction as doing a crossword puzzle, but after I come home I really wonder whether the money saved is worth the time spent. Because that time is time I could be snuggling Miss Adorable or uh, sleeping (or, blogging more often). So after tracking sales, spread-sheeting the price of sliced bread and sliced cheese and contact solution and paper towels for three months, I’m ready to announce the winner. The envelope please …

SuperTarget kicks ass. Also, while Target is indeed a big box store and brings with it those drawbacks, it is not Wal-Mart. Undoubtedly I will still need to stop at Jewel to get the quick stuff, the 7 minute drive saves me both time and money. Every time. So, I may cut the occasional coupon, but I’m done playing around with them for hours every week. I’m pretty sure this decision is going to get me at least a few of those Benjamins.

tick tick tick tick tick

 

I am a special case

I knew it was coming and in my goofy way, I even warned you all. I said I have a little trouble not getting heady at the thought of more than $30 in my checking account. And I did get goofy. I would recommend, in hindsight, not scheduling your refund to deposit over Valentine’s Day weekend. That turned out to be a bad combination with how much my husband and I like to spoil each other in small ways on Valentine’s Day (I am one of few people I know who embrace it; I know it’s stupid, but I stopped pretending not to want flowers and chocolate). So, there were concert tickets and books, and then going to dinner and then my sweet Hubby got me flowers and breakfast and new headphones so I can commute more peacefully.

Then, of course, I paid all the bills and used our refund to pay the credit cards off. Sooooo, yeah. On Tuesday when the banking world cranked back into motion, the old bank account was looking a little less cushy. Specifically, I had to trade in my spare change and deposit a little check I had lying around just to avoid bank fees. So, that sucks.

What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I take a deep breath and actually figure out how much I could really spend over the weekend? These are good questions. Whatever is holding me back is what has been messing with my finances for my whole adult life.

I had been doing really well with my focus on groceries, but I forgot that the occasional fun spending splurge can do you in and quickly become a regret. I’d like a do-over of the weekend like I’d like to kiss all those guys I didn’t kiss in college, but all I can do is move on and think about what I did right (same goes for the college guys).

First and foremost, according to www.creditmonkey.com’s interest calculator, we should save about $662 in interest on the payments I won’t have to make this year at the pace I was paying my credit cards (assuming I didn’t use them at all for the next 11 months or so).  And we have that credit available for things we really need, or in case of an emergency, which is a great feeling.

 

Dizzy with wealth

Ha. So, I’m not rich. I wasn’t rich yesterday, but I did get a nice fat refund check from the IRS. Turns out I had overcompensated for that new tax bracket. So, we’ll adjust that for 2010, but in the meantime, as husband and I discussed, Uncle Sam probably did a better job holding our money for us than we would have done.

So, the day after payday and the tax refund, my checking account balance was bigger than it had been since, oh, last year’s tax refund. My brain went a little fuzzy with the feeling of possibilities. Valentine’s Day in Rio! New furniture! A new wardrobe for me and baby!

… Or, the boring but right thing to do, as previously agreed upon with Hubby: pay off the stupid credit cards. Sigh. And, sadly, the refund didn’t even get both of the cards to $0, but it went a long way to slicing our debt, so that when we actually need credit, it will be there for us. But paying off credit cards is boring, people! I wanted to fill the bathtub with dollar bills or something. Maybe next year.

This 24-hour flushness did remind me that I’m still not very good at not getting all heady with the feeling of having money in the bank. I was guilty of making a couple of luxury purchases, but they weren’t too terrible — a pair of tickets to see what will probably be our last rock n roll show until we retire . Husband is always bumming out about how we never get to see shows. So, now we are. Hopefully I won’t go into labor before then (or during the show). And then I bought a new book in hardback (gasp), which I NEVER do. I always wait until paperback or get new books from the library, but this time I didn’t want to wait for everyone in Oak Park to read it before me whenever the library gets it. I am absolutely in love with Louise Erdrich‘s writing, and this book sounds so fascinating. So, that was a big luxury for me, but I did it knowing I had the money in the bank.  It was intoxicating.

Then I also had to buy this book for Miss Adorable. I saw the illustrations in the NY Times Book Review and nearly passed out from the cuteness.

If this doesn't make you squeal, you might be dead

The whole book just about killed me. Is there anything more enjoyable than a truly good children’s book? I can’t think of many things. It’s right up there with a perfect latte, an episode of “Weeds,” and spooning with Husband.

But, now that the money is back with El Diablo credit card companies, no more fantasies of wealth. I saw plenty of other books I wanted last night, but I was good and decided I could indeed wait for those and get them at the library. (Kind of) Big Money, it was good to see you, even if for 24 hours. See you later.

 

Surprising myself

Maybe you were wondering why I hadn’t been posting much lately. Well, first, Mama’s busy. It’s hard to say “no, kiddo, I can’t read you a book, because I have to blog about myself and my grownup problems in Narcissian detail.” So, that will be my standing excuse. But the big reason? I’m actually kind of, I can’t believe it (don’t jinx it!) succeeding.

I’ve stocked up on groceries when they go on sale. I save $20 or $30 with every trip to the store by buying the sale items and using coupons. Maybe more important, I’ve started comparing prices, so I know when to jump on a great deal and when to say, “I can get that later at Trader Joe’s for less.”

I think I’ve turned a corner similar to the one when I actually succeeded in losing weight after Her Royal Cuteness was born. After being overweight for, oh, 15 years, I was just tired of it and ready to move on. I’m kind of feeling that way now with money. So I thought I was going to be posting hilarious stuff about my failures, big and small, I’m actually not flaming out the way I thought I would. Given, it’s only February and, ahem, I did slip and regain a lot of my weight, so I know complacency with money could cost me all I’ve accomplished, as it nearly did with my weight (hey, I’m still a lot thinner than I once was — I think I made it to about 5 months of this pregnancy before I hit my high weight).

for now, I have a (teeny) cushion in my checking account, all my bills are paid, I know what checks are hanging out inpendingland, and I have a full freezer of food.

I’m on a good pace to save my $5,000, but don’t worry, I’m continuing to look for good ideas for us all. So keep reading, please! I love hearing feedback.

Also, I have totally jinxed myself, right?

I'm a winner! I'm going with a more economical gold star, not a trip to Disneyland. Not yet, anyway.

 

Save me from myself and Sephora

People, I am at a crossroads. I’ve been doing pretty well lately, and am proud to say that at payday, I had more than 34 cents in my checking account. I’ve been ignoring Starbucks, clipping coupons, brown-bagging lunch and eating dinner at home.

There are a couple of things I won’t budge on, but the thing I’m debating at the moment, even I know is silly.

There’s a magical place that likes to eat my money, called Sephora. For those of you who are lucky enough to have missed the explosion of Sephora stores, Sephora is like that smelly, expensive part of the department store that you only visit when you’re looking for that one perfume your wife likes. But it’s better. Ask your wife.

Now, I am definitely not even what I would call a frequent shopper at Sephora. Most of the time when I go there, I can truthfully say I am looking for a gift for my sisters or a friend. But when shopping for myself, maybe four times a year, there’s this nagging voice telling me how silly it is to pay $25 for mascara. And then I do it anyway.

So, the reason I’m debating whether to continue my on-again, off-again love affair with the place is thanks to this fancy pants makeup I bought there on a whim last year, and is now (gasp) running out. Now that I’ve resolved to be smarter with my money, I’m debating the $42 “tinted moisturizer” — and what to do when the other 4 products in the set run out. I love this stuff. It does a good job covering my scary Corpse Bride dark under eye circles, without caking up (hang in there, men, I’m done describing it).

The Sephora-loving part of my brain has a lot to say in support of my Laura Mercier makeup.

1) Looking and feeling good is important. Not like, calling your mom and remembering to brush your teeth important, but somewhere between paying taxes and knowing how to parallel park. We like to pretend it doesn’t matter, but it does. For evidence of this truth, watch any episode of “What Not to Wear.”

2) Even at $32, this makeup will last me 6 months, so each use is 17.4 cents.

3) It should be OK for me, as Mommy, to spend money on myself. After all, $32 is less than a parking ticket, about equal to Thai takeout for one night, and probably represents an hour’s worth of my paycheck.

4. Buying crummy makeup that I end up not using is wasteful and can quickly add up to the same price over a few months as I look for something that works.

But then there’s the Suze Orman voice (I think. Maybe it’s someone else, because Suze does enjoy her clothes and makeup more than most).

1. Consumer tests prove again and again that the best makeup is not the most expensive makeup. Many people swear by Great Lash mascara, which costs a few bucks at the drug store.

2. I’ve figured out that other cosmetic stuff – shampoo, namely – is just as good when it costs $3 as when it costs $30. Or, anyway the difference is not worth $27 to me.

3. It’s not so much the actual dollar amount that’s a problem as much as the difference between that price and the drug store prices. Paying $42 for makeup is close to buying a $42 latte. How good would that latte have to be?

So, help me out here. Talk me in or out of this dilemma.  And let me know what your best bargain beauty products are.

Spending more time and money on makeup does not guarantee good results ... right?

 

Taxman

Besides being the title of one of two Beatles songs that is actually no good (Paperback Writer is the other, IMHO), my post today is of course, all about The Man takin’ my money. It’s getting close to income tax time. Like a few of my friends (holla, Ashley and Herman!) I actually enjoy doing my taxes. I have used TurboTax for three or four years now (score one for me for saving money on tax prep). Besides usually getting to watch a decent sized refund add up, I like just sort of taking stock of my year in that funny way that tax time forces you to (have any babies this year? Did you put anything in that 401k?). Kind of like this whole blog, tax time makes you see your whole life through dollar-colored glasses. Or dollar-shaped glasses. Something like that.

There are a few ways I try to take advantage of tax laws to save money.

First, I have tried to withhold the correct amount. Getting a big ass refund is really fun, but as Queen Suze likes to point out, why lend Uncle Sam that money when you could be investing it and earning interest on it (or, let’s be real, buying shoes with it?) This year I’m in suspense because I think Hubster and I may have bumped up to a new tax bracket, so in anticipation of that, I opted to withhold extra in 2009 — I’ll either be a genius and find I’ve already paid our taxes in the perfect amount, or be happy that we’ve overpaid and adjust slightly for next year. What I’m trying to avoid is ever having to write a check and send it in by April 15. Yuck!

Other magical tax tricks of mine are mostly using pre-tax deductions like crazy:

1. Ian and I are both offered a chance to set aside $ for childcare, up to $5,000. Only one of us is allowed to do this for some reason, and this maximum, if you haven’t had the pleasure of paying for childcare here in the US of A, is about 2.5 months of daycare. So, that’s silly. But it’s $5,000 taken out before taxes, and it’s actually really handy to have that money in a little reimbursement account that I can tap and use to catch up on stuff or pay for (part of) the December birthday/Christmas marathon, as I did this past December.

2. We have had health savings accounts/FSAs since they came into existence. LOVE them. It has gotten much easier to use them — some of them actually give you debit cards —  and it’s great to be able to buy the over-the-counter stuff like contact solution, pre-tax as well. When you wear contacts, that actually adds up. It’s also a handy way to pay for big stuff like LASIK, which I will do sometime before I go totally blind.

3. Pre-tax commuter benefits are great. Hubster and I both ride the El, and it’s $2.25 now each way, so you do the math. No? OK, I will: that’s $9.00/day to cover both of us, times 5 = 45, times the 50 weeks of the year we work, = $2,250. If our income tax rate is something like 25%, we just kept $562 for ourselves rather than handing it over to the Taxman. Getting a CTA pass pre-tax through our employers is pretty excellent.  I finally prevailed upon Hubster to sign up for his program at work, so I’m taking the liberty of adding that to my 50 ways I will save $$ this year – specifically, about half of that very rough estimated $562 tax savings.  Hooray!

p.s. Does anyone know where one can go or how to easily figure out their income tax rate?

Wil Farrell in "Stranger Than Fiction" in which he plays possibly the only sympathetic tax man character in history.

 

Dear Trader Joe’s: will you marry me?

Wow, I can’t believe it’s taken me longer than January 2nd on this blog to discuss my adoration of Trader Joe’s stores. I went this afternoon to get milk, a short list of other stuff I needed, and another short list of things I did not need. So it goes there, but I still only spent $67 for a cart full of goodies that will definitely all be heartily enjoyed.

I’m a vegetarian, and despite my efforts to save money, I always get organic milk ($5.99 a gallon every day at TJ’s), and try to get everything else dairy and a few other things organic. Yes, it’s more expensive. But frankly, I don’t trust that there isn’t bad mojo in conventionally made food, and at the very least, I want to try to minimize the bad mojo in our milk, since Natalie goes through a gallon in five or six days.  I can’t WAIT to see how quickly a 14-year-old and a 17-year-old empty our refrigerator in 2020. At that point I will be buying all food at Aldi (owned by the same company as Trader Joes!) But I digress.

The wonder of TJ’s goes beyond the little bargains like the $2.99 frozen macaroni and cheese that tastes like it came from a meat & three in Georgia (everything but he drawl). It’s also their stellar customer service. I have actually had them harass me into returning something after they asked me if I had liked it and I admitted I had not. So, here’s what’s crazy about that: the checker remembered what I got last time — it was expensive coffee, the only expensive thing they sell, a $19.99 canister of pure Kona coffee. I didn’t realize the price when I picked it up. Most of their coffee is less than $10 per lb, so I assumed it would be too, and thought I got a bargain. Oops. Anyway, when I came back, the checker remembered I had bought it and asked me if it was worth it. Sadly, no, it was gross. Keep in mind I had opened this coffee, ground it, then made 3 or 4 pots to make sure it wasn’t a fluke that it tasted nasty. I told him that. He said, “bring it back!” He actually insisted! So I did. And with that, another reason to love TJ’s.

Other hidden bargains there? Good natural laundry soap (I am also a weirdo about laundry soap additives), 1 gallon, 64 loads, $8.99. And today I tried the iced oatmeal cookies ($3.49) for the first time – yummay!

My other favorite things there?

“Two-buck Chuck,” their Charles Shaw wine, which is $2.99 a bottle and tastes pretty decent.

TJ”s Lentil Vegetable Soup, (I think $1.99) delicious and cheap (stay away from the chili; it’s gross).

TJ’s Goddess salad dressing ($1.99!)– (the only dressing that has ever made me want to eat a big bowl of greens just so I can have the dressing on it)

Reduced Guilt Sea Salt Pita Chips, not really a bargain – I think these are $3.49), but so addictively yummy.

Anyway, that’s just a love letter to Trader Joes, which came to Oak Park about a year ago and has made my life better, tastier, and cheaper since then. I heart you, Mr. Joe.

The home of organic, yuppie bargains